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LJ Idol IX - 14. Confessions from the Chair

Oh you the age of Internet
You gave us many things:
A wealth of knowledge of the world,
Connections, friendships, flings.
       A well of information deep
       Is just a click away,
       As many people as you like
       You could chat up all day.
No boundaries in cyberspace,
We flit from state to state,
Obeying not the formal rules
But ones of honest equal trade.
       And here lies the sleeping dog,
       And here is the trap,
       For the hard work of being free
       Is often a handicap.
With nothing but the dots on screen
And all the time in the world
To paint red what should be green
What it is the worth of Word?
       Who is the author of this page,
       Is that a trusted source,
       Or are the dusty libraries
       Still best research recourse?
What hides behind an avatar,
Are the confessions true,
Or will a trolling egotist
Crush hopes beneath his shoes?
       Tis true, the information age
       Has opened many new doors.
       Yet people's vices do not change,
       The only assume new forms.



With thanks to roina_arwen and dmousey.

Comments

( 40 comments — Leave a comment )
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kehlen_crow
Jul. 8th, 2014 06:00 pm (UTC)
ConCrit is welcome.

Bonus: four lines that did not fit in with the rest of it.

We've seen the wroth of governments
And those with copyright.
For how dare the sheep have choice
To whom their fleece they provide?
roina_arwen
Jul. 9th, 2014 05:03 am (UTC)
I think this stanza needs a little work, the last line seems awkward to me:
No boundaries in cyberspace,
We flit from state to state.
The only limits those are
We by ourselves create.


Otherwise, I think this is quite nice. :)
kehlen_crow
Jul. 11th, 2014 12:55 pm (UTC)
Thank you for pointing this out. As always, it's the things that you struggle with that catch other's eyes, as well. :-)

I have changed it to
"No boundaries in cyberspace,
We flit from state to state
Obeying not the formal rules
But ones of honest equal trade."
ryl
Jul. 9th, 2014 02:47 pm (UTC)
I don't usually like poetry, but I like this. It has a good flow and the message is cleverly written.
kehlen_crow
Jul. 11th, 2014 01:00 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I am very glad to hear it. :)

And I know what you mean, I also usually don't like poetry, but Idol made me feel better of it, and the same for plays, I had a real block against reading them, which I broke through in season 7.
(no subject) - ryl - Jul. 11th, 2014 09:58 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - kehlen_crow - Jul. 11th, 2014 10:26 pm (UTC) - Expand
dmousey
Jul. 9th, 2014 08:47 pm (UTC)
My first love in writing is poetry. I like the cadence and quatrains. I did notice the line that Roina is speaking about. Maybe the words were transversed? Something like this?

No boundaries in cyberspace,
We flit from state to state.
The only limits '?There, are those?'
We, by ourselves create.

Other than that I enjoyed it greatly.

kehlen_crow
Jul. 11th, 2014 01:09 pm (UTC)
Thank you.

I am the opposite in that I rarely read or enjoy poetry, and mostly only have my own sense of rythm to guide me, so every time I have an urge to write something like this it feels very weird (and I love Idol for it).

It is funny how the parts of a story you struggle with the most are often the ones that catch others' eyes as well, and I did struggle with that very stanza.

I have now re-written so it were more fluent:
"No boundaries in cyberspace,
We flit from state to state
Obeying not the formal rules
But ones of honest equal trade."

Thank you very much for the help :-)
(no subject) - dmousey - Jul. 11th, 2014 06:41 pm (UTC) - Expand
eternal_ot
Jul. 10th, 2014 05:15 am (UTC)
Ah! Summed it up well..loved this take!
kehlen_crow
Jul. 11th, 2014 01:11 pm (UTC)
Thank you :-)
eska818
Jul. 10th, 2014 10:16 pm (UTC)
This is really fluid, and I really like the message! Nice unique take on the topic too.
kehlen_crow
Jul. 11th, 2014 01:01 pm (UTC)
Thank you.

I really did not want to write a confession on someone's say so, and the hole "chair" business and implied forced confessions also made me squeamish, so this is the way around both problems.
kathrynrose
Jul. 12th, 2014 02:21 am (UTC)
Nice!
kehlen_crow
Jul. 13th, 2014 05:18 pm (UTC)
Thank you :)
elledanger
Jul. 12th, 2014 06:04 pm (UTC)
I liked this!
kehlen_crow
Jul. 13th, 2014 06:23 pm (UTC)
I am glad you did :)
whipchick
Jul. 13th, 2014 09:56 am (UTC)
Neat approach!
kehlen_crow
Jul. 13th, 2014 07:12 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
watching_ships
Jul. 13th, 2014 02:23 pm (UTC)
really smart. i'm scared to approach poetry because i feel like i'd fail at it, so this comes across as brave to me and you've done it well :)
kehlen_crow
Jul. 13th, 2014 08:16 pm (UTC)
I also used to be afraid to write it, especially for Idol prompts, because I felt like I could not be inspired long enough to finish an idea in this form. (And that it was not going to be good enough, too.) But then I discovered that if I wrote down parts of the idea, re-reading them was enough to get me back in the mood for it. That's is completely Idol's doing.

Thank you :-)
binaryorchid
Jul. 13th, 2014 07:42 pm (UTC)
You got the point! Freedom does not guarantee everything is going well and you will most likely not get 100% of certainty.
kehlen_crow
Jul. 13th, 2014 08:17 pm (UTC)
That's true, because unfortunately there are always people who thrive on that which most others find repulsive.

Thank you!
jem0000000
Jul. 14th, 2014 03:59 am (UTC)
I like the rhythm of this. :)
kehlen_crow
Jul. 16th, 2014 09:41 am (UTC)
Thank you!
(no subject) - jem0000000 - Jul. 18th, 2014 07:49 pm (UTC) - Expand
kajel
Jul. 15th, 2014 02:31 am (UTC)
Nicely done!
kehlen_crow
Jul. 16th, 2014 09:42 am (UTC)
Thank you :)
halfshellvenus
Jul. 15th, 2014 06:32 am (UTC)
There was a lot of truth in all of this, but the ending,

Tis true, the information age
Has opened many new doors.
Yet people's vices do not change,
The only assume new forms.


might have been the truest of all. These are new media for old vices, and the biggest trick is to recognize them in their current disguise.
kehlen_crow
Jul. 16th, 2014 09:45 am (UTC)
Yes. It is unfortunate that as there are people drawn to the good, there are also those drawn to the bad, and because of this, the more things change the more they are the same.

Thank you!
rayaso
Jul. 16th, 2014 08:12 pm (UTC)
Poetry is so hard to write, and I admire anyone who posts it to LJ Idol, and does it as well as you. Congratulations!
kehlen_crow
Jul. 17th, 2014 11:29 am (UTC)
Aw, thank you, I am glad you liked this :-)
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