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LJ Idol IX - 5. Build A Better Moustrap

This is the house that state built.

This is the lab
that's placed in the house that state built.

These are the men that work in the lab
that's placed in the house that state built.

This is the food and the soap slab
left at all times by men in the lab
that's placed in the house that state built.

This is the rat that ransacks the food and steals the slab
left lying around by men in the lab
that's placed in the house that state built.

This is the malt all poisoned and red
used by my mate to get rid of the rat
that ransacks the food and steals the slab
left by our colleagues in the lab
that's placed in the house that state built.

This is the head scratched by my mate
after the malt all poisoned and red
fails to rid the place of the rat
that ransacks the food and steals the slab
left by our colleagues in the lab
that's placed in the house that state built.

We need a better mousetrap!

Comments

( 34 comments — Leave a comment )
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kehlen_crow
Apr. 13th, 2014 01:07 pm (UTC)
ConCrit is welcome.

No, I am not sorry for massacring my favourite nursery rhyme.

The above is a true story. That rat has gotten bold and dangerous. And the worst part is, even if we manage to poison it, what if it dies and rots someplace we can not reach?
x_disturbed_x
Apr. 13th, 2014 03:55 pm (UTC)
Oh this is brilliant. I love this take on a nursery rhyme. More should be like this. ;)
kehlen_crow
Apr. 15th, 2014 05:57 pm (UTC)
Aw, thank you :-)
dreamsofspike
Apr. 13th, 2014 04:03 pm (UTC)
Clever little tale :) Enjoyed it :)
kehlen_crow
Apr. 15th, 2014 06:14 pm (UTC)
Thank you :-)
captivebird
Apr. 13th, 2014 06:42 pm (UTC)
Clever parody! I do hope that the rat can be got rid of.
kehlen_crow
Apr. 15th, 2014 06:30 pm (UTC)
We shall see. For now, there will be no food left lying around at least. Thank you :-)
penpusher
Apr. 14th, 2014 05:16 am (UTC)
really nicely done! Though I could see it going on for as long as the original nursery rhyme... but you might still be writing it if that were the case!
kehlen_crow
Apr. 17th, 2014 12:59 pm (UTC)
I might have been. I also have a feeling the original was added to mostly for the sake of the rhyme, even though what is going on there makes sense :).

Thank you!
grail76
Apr. 14th, 2014 04:45 pm (UTC)
Cute.
kehlen_crow
Apr. 17th, 2014 01:04 pm (UTC)
Thank you :)
kajel
Apr. 14th, 2014 08:07 pm (UTC)
Very cute. I enjoyed this.
kehlen_crow
Apr. 17th, 2014 02:24 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
kagomeshuko
Apr. 15th, 2014 04:51 am (UTC)
It is research paper time. I'd honestly like to leave a better comment, but I at least wanted to let you know that I've been here to read your entry!
kehlen_crow
Apr. 17th, 2014 01:09 pm (UTC)
Thank you for taking the time to say something. Research papers are evil and wipe your brain of everything else.
waltzmatildah
Apr. 15th, 2014 10:18 am (UTC)
Oh, I really enjoyed this clever take on the prompt!

Awesome job.
kehlen_crow
Apr. 17th, 2014 01:19 pm (UTC)
Thank you :)
jem0000000
Apr. 16th, 2014 09:19 am (UTC)
What about one of those door-and-box traps, maybe? They're no-kill, so you'd have to get rid of it somewhere, but if you take it far enough away it probably won't come back.
kehlen_crow
Apr. 17th, 2014 01:52 pm (UTC)
It might be a good idea, because the though of actually killing that rat makes me uncomfortable.

Thank you :)
(no subject) - jem0000000 - Apr. 18th, 2014 01:20 am (UTC) - Expand
catwomon
Apr. 16th, 2014 05:23 pm (UTC)
That's cute and yes, you do need a better mouse trap, or perhaps rat?
kehlen_crow
Apr. 17th, 2014 12:36 pm (UTC)
Thank you.

And we are looking for one :)
eska818
Apr. 16th, 2014 05:37 pm (UTC)
Love that you remade a nursery rhyme!
kehlen_crow
Apr. 17th, 2014 01:59 pm (UTC)
Thank you :-)
rayaso
Apr. 16th, 2014 07:08 pm (UTC)
A very clever take on the topic and the nursery rhyme. I enjoyed this very much.
kehlen_crow
Apr. 17th, 2014 02:12 pm (UTC)
Thank you <3
i_will_not_say
Apr. 16th, 2014 08:53 pm (UTC)
This was a clever take on the prompt! ^_^
kehlen_crow
Apr. 17th, 2014 02:44 pm (UTC)
Thank you :)
eternal_ot
Apr. 17th, 2014 02:14 pm (UTC)
Amazing take! Well done! enjoyed it..:)
kehlen_crow
Apr. 17th, 2014 02:52 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
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( 34 comments — Leave a comment )

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