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In June this year, certain things I talked about caused two of my friends to say a thing to me that grated on me greatly, to such an extent it is only now that I can talk about it in a hopefully rational manner.

On one occasion, it was revealed that I don't know which half of the brain is (said to be) responsible for rational actions (like doing maths), and which is (said to be) responsible for more artistic creations.

On this occasion, what was said to me ran a long the lines of, How can you not know this, you're an educated person?

On another, I talked about being interested in learning more about what chakras were and how to discuss health and well-being from the point of view that there are energy areas in the body whose state is a litmus test, if you will, of what else is going on with you.

On this second occasion, another person said to me something along the lines of, What chakras, how can you, an educated person, believe in such things?

Both reactions drew me up short, and made me feel first disbelievingly lost and unsure how to react, then immediately defensive and in the need to fall all over myself to defend my interest, or lack thereof, and then offended and angry.

The "how can you" reads like the person who asks is offended by my behaviour, as if it were something "forbidden". It also has a condescending overtone of "you should know better". This wording is also a dismissal that precludes dialogue on the subject.

I realize that I am probably overreacting. This question, or the implications I interpret in it, or similar, is very reminiscent of my parents' set views, where everything that does not fit is offhandedly dismissed as abnormal, or Wrong. They never say it in words, but the "We are Good people, and if you don't follow our mores, it follows you are not" is very strongly present.

The bottom line is, I do not owe anyone an explanation of the things I do or do not, know or know not, those that interest me or not, unless such things hurt or make their life worse. If this is the case, and I do not notice, I am listening, and ready to learn, and and I will likely modify my behaviour.

If, however, aspects of my self do not fit into the others' view of me, it is their choice whether to incorporate those things into their picture of me (by asking questions if necessary), to try to show me where I am wrong, or to decide they belong to someone they do not wish to associate with any longer.


*****


Ещё в июне двое моих друзей почти одинаково отрегировали на некоторые вещи, которые я им о себе рассказала. Реакция эта сильно задела меня, и только сейчас я могу, надеюсь, более-менее адекватно рассказать о ситуации.

В первом случае подруга узнала, что я не знаю, какая половина мозга отвечает (как утверждают) за логические поступки (решение математических задач, например), а какая — за артистические.

В ответ я услышала примерно следующее: "Как ты можешь не знать этого, ты же образованный человек?"

Во втором случае я рассказала, что мне интересно больше узнать о восточном подходе к описанию проблем человека через понятие чакр, который состоит в том, что в теле человека, в его ауре есть определённые энергетические зоны, состояние которых отражает и состояние определённых сторон жизни человека.

В это случае реакция другой подруги была схожей, она сказала что-то вроде: "Какие чакры, как ты можешь верить в это, ты же образованный человек?"

В обоих случаях сначала я растерялась и не знала, как себя вести дальше, потом сразу же почуствовала себя виноватой, а также ощутила потребность рассыпаться в извинениях и обосновать свой интерес или отсутствие такового, а затем я обиделась и рассердилась.

"Как ты можешь" — намёк на то, что моё поведение обижает другого человека, а также, что я сделала что-то "запретное". И ещё это взгляд как сверху вниз, "уж ты-то должен знать, что это не так, плохо и т.д." Кроме того, формулировка эта исключает дальнейший разговор.

Я понимаю, что скорее всего моя такая острая реакция — реакция не на саму фразу, а на попадание её в болевую точку. И интерпретирую её я исходя из одной из острых домашних проблем, которую родители и как проблему не воспринимают: всё, что не укладывается в их картину мира — ненормально и Плохо. Словами мысль: "Но мы же Хорошие, значит если ты не ведёшь себя так, как, "всем известно", что вести себя Надо, значит ты Плохой" никогда не выражается, но присутствует и давлеет.

Короче. Я не должна никому объяснять, почему я что-то делаю, а что-то нет; что-то знаю, а что-то нет; чем-то интересуюсь, а чем-то нет, если это не делает им больно и не мешает им жить. Если делает и мешает, а я не замечаю, надо об этом сказать. Я выслушаю, и проведу самоликбез, и наверное поменяю своё поведение.

Ну а если моё поведение не укладывается в чьё-то представление обо мне, им предстоит сделать выбор: поменять представление (задавая вопросы), показать мне, что я не права, или решить, что общаться с таким человеком, как я, им более не нужно.

Comments

( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
majesticarky
Oct. 7th, 2016 07:20 pm (UTC)
I kinda feel like your friend about a lot of that stuff, but I usually keep quiet because I don't like to overtly offend people. I go off an on about obsessing over the Zodiac, but I tend to think of that as largely BS too.

I guess... you don't owe anyone an explanation, but sometimes people tend to be judgmental if you, an educated person, like to be into things that are considered for "uneducated people". I guess that particular person thought that chakras were for the uneducated lot. It's one of those things where I've learned over time that some "controversial" topics always illicit a controversial judgment and some are vocal on that judgment. I tend to take little personally in general, but I guess I just would encourage you to try not to as well. Whoever it was that made that comment sounds like kind of a jerk and it's not worth your chakra (energies : ) ) to be upset at someone being judgmental about your interests/hobbies.
kehlen_crow
Oct. 8th, 2016 07:37 pm (UTC)
My friends were about to donate several books to the library when they were moving, and I nicked an astrology textbook out of that pile and been reading it on and off since :).

I think the predicting the future part of astrology is mostly bullshit, but the time of birth determining people's potential qualities has something to it (only potential, what they do with the potential is totally another thing).


I agree that the general consensus about someone who develops an interest in something that is considered for the uneducated is that they allow it to turn their head, and that they allow someone, or something to do their thinking for them. (Like the Soviet maxim "Религия - опиум для народа", and if you are a believer, it's like you are an Opium Eater (love the parallel to de Quincey's book of the same title, even though I have not tried it. Only that he, an educated person, tried "eating", using opium when it was all the rage, and became addicted).

What offends me in the question though, as it is formulated, is the implication that I do not think, when it's the other way round entirely. I start from the same point of view (looking down on it), and dance around the subject for years and years. And if after these years I don't turn away (most likely scenario) but start learning more about it, it's because I find something in it worth knowing, not give in to not thinking.

(And yes, I have just given into the desire to explain myself. :D Because you did not press :P )
majesticarky
Oct. 11th, 2016 02:18 pm (UTC)
Lol I've heard that idiom from my parents before. I've always thought it was pretty weird how religion got this massive resurgence in Russia and the rest of the former Soviet states. I guess a lot of people need opium in order to deal with life. The US is also quite a religious country and while Millennials tend to be not so religious, supposedly the next generation is more religious (though I wouldn't be inclined to make generalizations yet because they're all kids and most kids can't make their own decisions about that until they're at least in their early 20s).

I think most other countries "mystic" ideas such as chakras, blood types in Japan, the Asian Zodiac, and the Western Zodiac are all fascinating. They're things I've "studied" a little here and there. My zodiac sign are known for being skeptics so I think everything, no matter where in the world is largely BS, but I still like to read about it XD. I guess I'm more into categorizing people by not preset "destiny", but by their personalities. I LOVE Myers Brig and the Hogwart's Houses. Lately I've been obsessed with trying to determine which House my coworkers are in, after I discovered that one of my coworkers is a Slytherin. She doesn't know much about Potter and she took the Pottermore test. I don't think she's Slytherin at all and I encouraged her to retake the test. I took the Pottermore test three times, and only the last time did it give me my correct House. I have a striking suspicion that my other coworker is Slytherclaw (Clawslyther?? She is more Ravenclaw than Slytherin), but I'm kind of annoyed that my favorite sorting quiz is no where to be found on the internets anymore and literally there is no decent sorting quiz anywhere out there : (. There is a nice comprehensive one here that I like that may be accurate- https://helloquizzy.okcupid.com/tests/the-sorting-hat-a-comprehensive-harry-potter-personality-assessment-testquiz , but it doesn't work because the captcha is broken.

I prefer very comprehensive quizzes where it gives you a ranking or percentage on how close you align with a House. I'm mostly Gryffinclaw, with quite a bit of Slytherin, so I'd prefer that, but looks like you can't find that on the internets anymore :/.
kehlen_crow
Oct. 19th, 2016 02:53 pm (UTC)
The problem is, it is hard to tell how much of these newly religious people are true believers.

There was a disconcerting moment several years ago when I realized that everyone I knew such details about was now baptized, including those who made that choice themselves and were not at birth.

Which was weird then, which is weird now and which did not and won't influence me into doing the same unless I feel I need to :).


Speaking of quizzes, I was unpleasantly surprised when Pottermore sorted me into Gryffindor. Which is so not me :-). I would have been a Ravenclaw at 11, and now there is some Hufflepuff developing there, but not much Gryff!
majesticarky
Oct. 24th, 2016 02:37 pm (UTC)
Oh that quiz is working again : D. You should take it!! Only takes about 10 mins, even with over a hundred questions. I got super Gryffindor as always, but now the quiz says I'm 37 percent Ravenclaw and 56% both Slytherin and Hufflepuff. I guess I'm not so Ravenclaw after all, but I always think of the lesser houses as being quite fluid... Also if you take it, DO NOT FILL OUT THE LAST PAGE. When it asks you if you're single, date of birth, etc. Just leave that all blank and it will give you the result.

I suspect you will be a very high percentage Ravenclaw, but I'm kinda curious to see what percentage it thinks your lesser houses are : ). I don't see you as being very Gryffindor, but who knows, I was surprised about my latest ranking with Ravenclaw. I think my answers to a lot of the Ravenclaw-esque questions gave me that poor score. I think I have a lot of Ravenclaw characteristics... but I'm not into logical puzzles or theoretical/abstract ideas and pondering about that kind of stuff. I'm just kind of studious and enjoy studying/reading about things that interest me.

Edited at 2016-10-24 02:38 pm (UTC)
kehlen_crow
Oct. 26th, 2016 01:09 am (UTC)
I got Ravenpuff basically, which fits:

67% Ravenclaw, 54% Hufflepuff, 53% Slytherin and 38% Gryffindor!

But it was a surprise that Slytherin is so Close to Hufflepuff.
majesticarky
Oct. 26th, 2016 03:04 am (UTC)
I'm glad to see you get that result. I had my coworker take that quiz and she got 67% Griffindor and then a high percentage in Slitherin too. She had a Ravenclaw percentage in her 30s too which I thought wasn't accurate at all. Also she basically got sorted into Griffindor and I don't think that house fits her... to me she is a Slitherin with a lot of Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw... so weird result that was.

I actually thought that quiz was skewed against Ravenclaw, but maybe not. Although you are possibly one of the most Ravenclaw ... Ravenclaws I know. I think I would never hesitate to think that was your primary house. My coworker, I can't quite determine, but she certainly isn't a Gryffindor.

I find House Slitherin kinda... sad in a way. Their main positive attribute is that they are cunning. Others are negative attributes. I kinda wonder what other positive attributes that House has. I have some Slitherin in me too because they're elitist and I'm kind of elitist... in some ways. Not cunning though.
deadexplosion
Oct. 8th, 2016 09:43 am (UTC)
As I taught my psychology class this year, the idea that one side of the brain is for creativity to whatever has been proven to be utterly rubbish! :P So you are highly educated for not wasting your mind with such nonsense :)
kehlen_crow
Oct. 8th, 2016 10:24 am (UTC)
Hahaha!

Thank you for telling me :-)
sova_f
Oct. 9th, 2016 04:40 pm (UTC)
Вот еще - оглядываться на тех, кто ___знает как надо___ (с)! Пускай самих себя учат.

Леночка, спасибо огромное за подарочек!

Кажись, левое полушарие управляет логикой - но я даже в гугл не полезу проверять, настолько это не имеет никакого значения.

Edited at 2016-10-10 05:39 am (UTC)
kehlen_crow
Oct. 19th, 2016 02:07 pm (UTC)
Да, считается, что левое — логикой. Но вот Лиза (комментарий прямо над твоим) пишет, что эта теория уже считается устаревшей :).

Но дело даже не в этом. Для меня нет разницы, какое — чем, только что одно одним, другое — другим. И точно также я никогда не могу запомнить, какая станция метро на какой линии, если там пересадка с одной на другую. Потому что какая разница, на Кольцевой линии Менделеевская или Новослободская или на Серпуховско-Тимирязевской? Тем более что из обоих выход на Новослободскую улицу.
belenen
Oct. 22nd, 2016 06:41 am (UTC)
I think those people were being defensive about their own bullshit.

First of all, the whole idea of the brain being made of two separate parts that do separate things is ludicrous, very bad science made up to try and pretend that brains have genders. Brains function as a whole; they are specialized, but not according to gendered concepts like rationality or creativity. It's ignorant as shit to say so.

As for the "educated people don't believe in chakras" -- way to be racist as well as classist and elitist and a general shitwad. Any actual scientist doesn't dismiss anything out of hand.

Shit like this makes me very glad I have a "contemptuous" icon.
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )

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